Leave it all behind

I'm not an expert on the story of the buddha, or Siddhartha Gautama, but it really fascinates me.


I am a people person through and through. I hate being alone. I hate the dark. I like my phone, camera, laptop, etc. I love my family and friends. And I don't really know how I would survive without them. But sometimes I have this urge to just stop communication with anyone and everyone, leave my belongings, and go to some random place where I know no one and have nothing. I'd like to just sit and meditate for a long period of time. I get so caught up in worrying about what's going to happen, what has happened, and what is currently happening. I always put others before myself. I'm constantly on my computer and phone. I hate losing things. But WHY!!! I hate it! I wish it were easy to change. But it's not. I just get so frustrated.  I frequently get my hopes up, then something goes wrong. I plan something, and the plan never goes how I think. I just want to leave everyone and everything and go find self enlightenment and get rid of all my attachments!


Can you imagine your life without any attachments? Especially materialistic people, all your expensive shoes, purses, etc. Are those things really important? Will they have any value in the end of your life? No, probably not. Or leaving all your loved ones to just be with yourself and your mind... It's a crazy idea, but still so blissful!


But personal contact is a lovely, beautiful thing. So I can't really give it up. But I can still think about it, right? It's basically what Monks do too! My friend's brother is a Buddhist Monk and he left all he had and all he knew to go do that. So inspirational! 


Like I said, it's just an urge I sometimes get. So I'm not actually going to do it. But it's still interesting to think about...