Thursday, October 20, 2011

Rant? [About the future]

Why do we worry so much about what is gonna happen in the future?!

Maybe it's just me, but I really don't think it is... It's a comfort to have things planned out, to the T if possible, and organized and figured out. But WHY!!!! I used to think I had my future figured out.

Then I hit the real world.

I always dreamed I'd go to school for 4 years, graduate with a Special Education degree and a Spanish minor; get a job right away; get a house, find a partner, have kids... done. Well HELLO reality check! This did not happen at all... Ha.

Life got pretty complicated this semester and man, oh man, has it taken a toll on me. I am so stressed all the time. I have so much to figure out, and in such short notice too! I have to change my major now (due to financial issues), find a minor to go with it, figure out what grad programs I want to do [I've always wanted to be a counselor; found out special education made me upset/ I hate the American public education system. Must get my masters in counseling now]... Except that involves money, places to live, the GRE (I'm scared s***less to take it because I am basically stupid when it comes to doing math and that's a portion of the test. I mean, I'm really, REALLY bad at math... Probably at an elementary/ middle school level? Ughh), which program I want to do more/ if I can afford it/ if it's too far away from where I'll be living [potential plan is to move to KC, MO for grad school if I can get in], finding a car [anyone have one/ know someone that doesn't need theirs?!?!] to get around, find a job while I go to grad school....

I am so frustrated. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Basically just FREAKING OUT. I know, I know. I need to be positive, everything will work out... Blah, blah. I really understand this! I've tried staying calm and not worrying but it's just not happening. I wish I had someone to help me figure everything out because I'm really not sure I can handle this all ON TOP of my normal school work and projects for this semester!

I do appreciate my friends/ family supporting me and encouraging me, I really do.

Just at a low moment. Random crying spurts. I just want to sleep for a week and have everything work itself out on its own. That's totally possible right? ;)

Ok sorry. Thanks for listening to my rant, loves.


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