Monday, October 1, 2012

Emotions

This post will probably seem a bit...unorganized. And it is. My head is. My thoughts are. Everything is just a big pile of confusion sometimes.

I've just been pondering my emotions lately... Why I feel the way I do about certain things. Why do I let my emotions take over my life so much? Can I control them? What's the reasoning behind them? Should I ignore them? Should I embrace them? Am I overreacting about certain things, or is it okay for me to feel how I do? It's frustrating because I have such overwhelming emotions and feelings ALL THE TIME. The tiniest thing could happen, and BAM- I'm an emotional wreck. I have no control over it! I don't understand it. Like, I know we should embrace what we're feeling and maybe take a step back to figure out what's causing that feeling, etc... It's just so hard to do. Especially when it's a recurring feeling. Now I know I'm more emotional than the average person (at least I think I am, compared to what I hear everyone else is feeling)... Is there a way to fix it?

I have friends and family members who are carefree and don't worry about half the stuff I do, and I get so angry at them and myself for not being able to be like that! I wish I could just brush things off and not randomly have emotional breakdowns over the most stupid shit. But I cannot hide them. And I overanalyse every goddamn thing... A comment on Facebook, a comment about someone, a remark in response to something I've said, etc. Then I just replay it in my head OVER and OVER! What the heck?! Why do I do that?! Wahhh.

Sorry. This is just a rant of confusion. And maybe I'd like to know I'm not alone in this? Or maybe I am and I'm just crazy. :P

*sigh*.... Who knows. Emotions and feelings and thoughts... They just make me nutso. For real. But I guess I'm human. I'm not perfect. The first step is admitting I have a problem, right?



Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Feeling Needed

I've always been one to reach out to those who need help, and have always been a shoulder for someone to cry on, and an ear to listen if someone wants to vent. It's always been a great feeling to know someone wanted or needed me, even if it was for the smallest thing. It makes me feel appreciated and like I have purpose.

After spending every day with my little cousins, I've grown to like this feeling more and more. Since both girls have become accustomed to me being around, they reach out to me when they're in need or when someone new, or just someone they're not used to, is around. It makes me so happy! Little kids have always hated me, and I've never really been fond of them... I don't know why, but that's just how it had always been. But now that I've been with the girls so much, they actually really love me and want to be with me. They get a huge smile on their faces when they see me or if they're crying, they become comforted being in my arms or even just my presence. It feels so nice to feel that, and know I'm needed. I'm sure this is how many mothers and fathers feel as well because their children couldn't survive without the parents'/ guardians love, tenderness, and care for them.

Not only with little kids, but with adults (especially friends, family, loved ones, etc.) as well: it's great to be recognized or receive appreciation for something I've done. I'm sure everyone feels this way in some way or another. A simple smile, hug, or a big "Thank you!" from someone can really go a long way. I feel like we don't express our gratitude towards others enough. Lately I've been wanting to improve on this; letting those who help me in any way know how much I appreciate them and what they do. It really makes a big difference. Or just SHOW someone you care and love them by doing simple things. I'm a firm believer in karma, in that if you do good towards others, it'll come back to you. :)

Tell your girlfriend/ wife they're beautiful. Hold the door for someone, or say thank you if someone does it for you. Help your parents around the house. Share a dessert with someone. Give someone a hug if they're having a bad day. Spread the love, kindness, and thankfulness. Little things go a long way! <3





Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Make a life, not a living

My sister got me a picture frame the other day that says "Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life". She got it on clearance, just liking it, and I didn't really think more into it until today.
We're all about hustle and bustle in this world and society, but for what? Are we all really happy? Are we fulfilling our passions and living life to its fullest? Working non-stop gets us money...But what does money get us? Food, a place to live, and basic things like that are good, but once we have enough for that- the extra money shouldn't matter. Material goods can only bring a temporary happiness. A temporary nostalgic state of mind. But memories, friends, family, loved ones...that's where the real happiness comes from.
I'm lucky enough to be pursuing my passions in life. I'm glad I have been given these opportunities to explore and be involved in what really makes me happy and brings joy to my spirit. And I still get to come home to my loving family, our new house, my (finally) decorated room, and the thought of knowing that I've helped someone personally each and every day.
Are you following your passions? Are you doing what makes you happy? It's never too late to find whatever that passion may be. :)
All photos' source: Pinterest

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

It's Been a While

It's been a long, long time since I've shared my updates on life with you folks. Sorry about that! It's hard enough to keep up with life lately, let alone writing about it.

We moved back to Inver Grove Heights. It's been a bittersweet feeling, to say the least. My parents love it. My sisters and I... well we're still adjusting. The house is... it has a nice deck. And an outdoor clothesline. So that's nice. We're still in the process of unpacking all of our stuff (way too much stuff!). And just trying to feel at home here. I love my room. It's simple, with my posters all up and everything in its place- just how I like it. But everything else is completely chaotic.

I started my new job at Luce. It has great days or horrible days, not much in between. It's really all about who you work with. No matter what the job I'm doing is (hostess, busser, food runner, or cashier), whoever I'm with is what makes or breaks that day. I've met some great people so far though, and always hope they work the same shifts as me! Business has been great though for only being open two weeks. And it's nice to be able to get GF food I can actually eat when I get off my shifts.

I've also begun working with my little cousin that I will be a PCA for starting this fall. I am in love with this little girl, seriously. She's two and has Cri Du Chat Syndrome, and is the most remarkable, intelligent girl ever! I love signing with her and watching her grow and progress in simple things such as playing, eating, and interaction. I'm ecstatic to be able to be with her everyday starting August 27th while my aunt is  away teaching half days at their local school.

I own a car now for the first time. It's been terrible thus far, in that everything that can go wrong- has. But my aunt and uncle gave me a great deal on it, so I'm extremely thankful for that. And it gets me to and from work, and wherever else I'm supposed to be. It's a cute little Honda Civic. My friend Schaubs and I deemed it a boy (little boy) and his name is Fridrich. :)

I haven't been eating healthy lately. And I'm feeling the effects of it, trust me. I'm just too busy at work or wanting to sleep to want to cook at all when I get home. And it doesn't help that our kitchen is like, half the size as our old one. :/ I've been looking at some recipes online that I'd like to try though, so now I just need to get up the motivation to actually DO it. (Which is the hardest part, right?) I've been living off of food from work, water, cereal, and coffee. Blech. Not okay.

Due to Luce, moving, PCA-ing, and just trying to function fully- I've kind of fallen off the map of socializing with people. Yesterday, I read texts and didn't respond, I got missed calls and didn't call them back, I got facebook messages and didn't reply... What the heck? I NEVER do that... I think I just needed a break from people or something. There a select few people who I can tolerate all day everyday (and they know who they are :) !!), but other than them I've just wanted to do my own thing. Which is good to an extent, but I'm sure most people think I hate them or something since I am almost always glued to my phone and social networking. Meh, we'll see how it progresses.

Now that I've written my recent life novel, I am going to the grocery store to pick up some things for a hopefully tasty recipe I found on one of my favorite vegan blogs. :)

Hope all is well with everyone else, and sorry for kind of/ sort of disappearing off the planet for a bit.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Luce happiness... Just the beginning!

I love my job. I already love it. We haven't even opened the store yet, but I LOVE it. I am so, so thrilled to be working for such a great company. Seriously. We're local, fresh, welcoming, accepting, fun, and just awesome! I don't want to sound like a walking advertisement (but I'm sure I do sound like one :P), but I'm so excited!!!

(source: Google images)
I have had two days of training so far. In these two days we've greatly gone over the importance of food allergens and respecting people who have them and fulfilling their every dietary need; played with our POS systems/ computers and practiced ringing things up; tried all the appetizers, salads, and some gluten free and vegan foods (!!); learned about the general guidelines to being a server/ host/ and cashier; and most importantly: learned where all our goodies come from and how we prepare them! We get local ingredients as much as possible; all our veggies are freshly cut each day; our breads/ crusts (besides the GF ones) are homemade (focaccia bread will be made every day IN store! How awesome is that?!) as well as our sauces and such... When you look at the menu at first, you think it's pretty expensive for a pizza place. But you can tell why- it's because of all those things I just listed! When you get a $5 pizza, it's gonna taste and look like a $5 pizza. If you get a $20 pizza, it's gonna taste like one! It's worth it if you wand good quality! ;)
(Heh, this is all the garlic we threw our at the Richfield 4th of July parade! source)
So not only is this just a job, it will/ can totally be a career as well! I want to work here foreverrr. Haha, but really. It's great. I can move up in the chain, move up on the ladder- whatever you want to say. I could be a waitress, supervisor, anything! I'm gonna work so hard at it. I'll be starting off as a cashier and a host(ess) and the two most important things to do those jobs are to be friendly and patient. HA, I am great at both those things! And I can be myself while doing it, I don't need any of that fake BS. My customers at Chartwells loved me; I remembered people's orders even after knowing them for 3+ years! I could see them in a non-food service setting and be like, "Hey! You get the cheddar burger combo with no pickle!" and I could tell I totally just made their day because I made them feel special! That's why I love this industry: because you can make people FEEL GOOD. Who doesn't like knowing they could make someone's day with a simple gesture or greeting?

I know a lot of people hate food service and could never work in it. Which is fine; it's not for everyone. I'm just lucky I love it and am pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. ;) I'm just so happy and excited to have a job I know I'm going to love. Not many people can say that about their current jobs! It's my passion though... so I'm lucky to have gotten where I am!
(source: Google image)
Our store's grand opening is July 31st... So if you're in the Minnesota/ Twin Cities area- come on out and support this awesome business and my new job! You won't regret it. :)

Friday, July 6, 2012

Judge Me

Hi all, this is Jessica. She's my amazing, beautiful, hilarious, smart, crazy cousin. 
She has a talent: writing. Her words are so lyrical, it's ridiculous! 
I'm jealous of her talent, and I want you all to give her blog some love and views! 
"Sometimes I just have this feeling etched onto my heart that I want to share with the world. So I write. I LOVE to write. Whether or not it has ANYTHING to do with what's happening in my life, I love the feeling of the words falling on to the page. Such a peace envelops me when I know that another work is completed. So, here I am. These are my works. These are my words. Experience what you can, feel the words roll off your tongue, and never live to regret the things you've done. Enjoy!"

She kindly offered to guest post for me, and so I can give her some more followers/ viewers! This is a poem she wrote while away on a vacation when anger struck her. Enjoy. :)

Judge Me
Tryn’ tell me who you think I should be
Tryn’ make me the girl you dreamed you’d see.
Push me away if you’d like, you wouldn’t even know
You’re blind in your judgment and you put on a great show
Let me be me or I’m sure this won’t go through
You’re gonna lose me completely cause you hate all that I do.
Oh, but you don’t “hate”—you’re only tryn’ to “love”
But every time you judge me, you push me away with a shove.
I HATE being judged for being myself
I HATE to put the things I love up on the hidden shelf.
I’m so sick of all the righteous ones, the high and mighty kings
The ones who feel they’re perfect and look down on everyone and everything. 
I’m sick of all you people who think that you are better 
Who make us sinners walk around with the brightly stitched scarlet letter. 
You don’t know me, so who are you to judge?
You don’t know my past, present, or future—
so don’t you sit there hatin’ like that cause I ain’t gonna budge!
So don’t look at my piercings like it’s too much for you
You didn’t make the decision—I did—and I’m proud of it too.
Don’t question my sexuality, I’m born to be this way
And there is only ONE to judge me on the very last of my days
Don’t persecute me for my body art I put on in the form of tattoos,
I chose each of them carefully, each has a meaning ,a purpose that only I could choose
Who are you to look at me cause I got a little bit of fat on me,
Who are you to stare cause bones are all ya see?
We are all shapes and sizes, each has a different body, direction, and morals
But shove down what YOU think’s right or wrong and you’re not solvin’ all these quarrels.
You’re tryin to “Love” but you’re doin just the opposite
You’re tryin’ to make “peace” but all you’re doin is makin us sick.
You can close the curtains, no one’s buyin your act
You can cut the shit cause we all think you’re a little whacked.
Let me be me and you can be you
Stay outta my business and get yourself a clue.
So don’t judge the things that you really don’t know, 
And don’t judge the things that you do,
Just let us run our own lives in this already crazy world and you can just run you.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Reflecting and thinking lately...

I've been thinking lately.
A lot.

I've been reflecting on my life thus far, the events that have taken place, the events that will eventually be taking place, reevaluating certain situations. I'm going to be 23 Monday, July 2nd. I'm not really sure when that happened. Time has been flying by me so quickly.

I've been reading this book lately: Quarterlife Crisis.
It's great. I'm only on page 30 something and I love it. I've been marking pages up and bookmarking things I like and enjoy. It's basically about how twentysomething year olds feel pressure of needing to know what they're going to do in life; pressure of needing to have everything figured and planned out. When in reality, none of us have that. Yea, everyone knows about the midlife crisis. But what about the quarterlife crisis? We're all going through it in some way or another. My sister Emilie actually bought this book for herself and then figured I'd like it. Man, was she right. I couldn't have started reading this at a better time! Seriously, everyone my age should read this. It will make you feel a lot better about feeling lost and confused about your life. Well, it made me feel better at least. :)

We all just need to remember that it's OKAY to not have your life completely planned and figured out! It's okay to be confused and lost once in a while. Nothing is set in stone besides the fact we will all eventually die. Other than that, nothing is certain. So take some risks and leaps. Explore your likes and dislikes. Leave your comfort zone. Try new things. Meet new people. Stay true to yourself and make sure you're happy. (Obviously these things are a lot easier said than done, but hey- it's a good inspiration to at least remember and think about these things!) 

Anyway... Yea. I'm trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, who belongs in my life, who shouldn't, etc. It's quite the clusterf*ck of thoughts and wonders. I had my orientation for Pizza Luce the other day: I am SO excited to start working there!!! Seriously. Pumped. Ecstatic. I already feel so at home and comfortable with it. It's chill, welcoming, fun, and I'm sure the people I'll be working with are gonna be just as awesome. They're gluten free, vegan friendly. Oh, and we're going to be in the 4th of July parade in Richfield (which is where our location will be opening). Guess what we're throwing out in it? GARLIC. Yep. Garlic and artichokes are our signature items of the restaurant, so it's a fun way for us to get our names out and be different! I'm so excited.

I'll also be a PCA and a nanny for my two little cousins starting in fall, so I got to hang out with them and my aunt today to kinda get to know the ropes of the house and such. That'll be great. Until then, I'm working at the concessions stands in the SSP pools. It sucks, but it's money.

And I just... Yea. Keep thinking. Pondering. A lot. It's been a very contemplative time in my heart and my mind lately. I apologize for my lack of posts. 

Stay tuned for a guest post from my fantastically talented cousin soon! :)

xoxo

"The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected." - Fortune cookie truth

Friday, June 8, 2012

So ready for this new start

Well... I got hired at Pizza Luce! As a cashier for the new location out in Richfield, MN. Words cannot describe my happiness!!!! Ever since I first stepped foot in that restaurant, I had dreamt of working there. Everyone's covered in tattoos and piercings, super friendly and crazy...it's just perfect. It is going to be great. I'm so excited! Not only because it's a job and I will have income now (finally), but because I know I'll love it. I'll fit in there. I love working with people. Food service is something I enjoy doing. It's just gonna be great! I know it!

Being unemployed, even though it was only for a month, has been killing me. Seriously. I've felt so worthless, helpless, just...yea. Not good. I mean come on, I had been employed since I was 16 years old, with the exception of the five months I was Spain. So having no job and $70,000 of debt is kind of a scary thing. The dent just lingers over me constantly. It scares me. It makes me anxious. It worries and stresses me out. I shouldn't be worrying, and I should think it'll all work out fine and I'll pay it off. But $70,000?! COME ON. That's way too much money. Ahh... Sometimes I feel like it won't even get paid off til I'm dead. That's just what I say anyway. :P

HHHHanyway. I am employed now. I have orientation on the 20th, training the next week, and the grand opening is in July! Eeeep! So exciting! And I can just throw all my money at my loans, a car, and groceries, and loans, loans, loans!

Also, we're nearing the end of our house for sale! Eeeek! It's just working out the kinks and details for now! And the house my parents want to move into is literally right across the street from our house now. Which yea, is kind of convenient for moving purposes. But it'll be depressing seeing the old house every day...and remembering how freakin perfect and awesome this house is... *sigh*. Oh well. Gotta try and think positively. It's what's best for mama and papa bear and our family. :)

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Family

My little sister Lexi is graduating from high school! I can't even believe it. She's so old! She actually looks the oldest out of all three of us, which is kinda funny. We had her grad party yesterday; almost all of our family came up for the weekend for it. It was a blast! It was kind of stressful trying to prepare the house and such, then clean up immediately today for a showing we had at 2pm. But we did it. And it was allll worth it! I love my family so, so much! I am extremely lucky to have them, and even though most of us are polar opposite people, we get along super well! We're loud. We're crazy. We love coffee. (I got everyone to fall in love with the Sumatra blend...I made SO many pots of it yesterday. Let's just say my aunt and I were overly caffeinated for the majority of the day. ;) Hehe, it was grand) We love food. We love laughing. We love yard games. We love beer (and wine!). We love in depth talks. We love each other. It's wonderful. 


In two weeks we have our annual Scott family reunion where we go to Wisconsin Dells for a couple days. It's basically the best and most epic weekend of the entire year because all of us are there: all 23? of us. (I haven't counted in a while but I think that's the grand total) My cousins and I are all pretty close in age too which makes it a million times better because we're all really closely knit. I'm just very lucky and thankful to have such a great family that I know will be here for me, or I should say we'll all be here for each other- forever. I can't imagine it any other way. :)


"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family." - Jim Butcher

"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family." - Mother Teresa

"I sustain myself with the love of family." - Maya Angelou

"A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it." - Mary Karr








Thursday, May 31, 2012

Graduated-ish/ Lately

Well, that's done and over now. That is, my undergraduate career. Okay technically I'm not quite done? I have an internship/ volunteering thing for 120 hours of experience this summer, THEN I will be done and graduated. But I've moved back home now, and I have no more classes. It's kinda...weird. I'm still adjusting. My parents are trying to sell their house, so moving all my stuff (that I have accumulated over the past two years) and attempting to store it in places that won't be seen during showings of the house- yea it's been hell. I am super OCD about where all my things are. And right now, everything's in random boxes spread throughout the shed, garage, attic, my room, my sisters' rooms, closets, and the laundry room. So that's driving me CRAZY. Ack, I hate not knowing exactly where everything is...especially when it's something I need right that moment. I'll get over it. Or hopefully we can just sell the house; that'd make things SO much easier!!! So please everyone keep your fingers crossed for that!

Other than that, I'm just trying to find a dang job. Ugh. I have only been unemployed while I was in Spain, and that's it- since I was 16 years old. So being unemployed right now is killing me. I feel so... worthless, I guess would be the word. I know I'm not, but I mean, it just sucks. I'm living with my parents with no job, no car, and $70,000 of debt. Gee, so proud. I graduated college, and that's a huge accomplishment. But to me it just doesn't feel good enough, at least not yet. Once I actually get income and can start throwing money at my loans I'll feel a lot better.

Also, now that I re-read that last paragraph I realize I sound really negative. :P That's another thing I'm working on! Haha. Working on being happy with myself and who I am. I can make sure EVERYone else is happy, and fix everyone else's problems; but when it comes to mine, nope. But Lexi's my personal trainer now so I will get healthier physically, and hopefully psychologically along with it. I think that once I get a job, have income, and can get my life on track I'll be a lot better off and will be a lot happier with myself. So that's a work in progress.

Lastly, I love my sisters. I love being home with them now. Whenever Emilie and I are home usually we're jam packed nights and weekends with family and such, so it's hard for just us three to bond. But when we're home, we bond. And laugh- A LOT. Actually that's basically all we do together. Ha, it's amazing. I honestly don't know how I could survive without them! We are all so completely different people, yet we end up connecting perfectly and getting along so well. Of course we have random times where we just scream at each other from different levels of the house, or freak out because our shoes were stolen by a sister, but really- no one's perfect, right? ;) We usually just end up laughing about how crazy we seemed later on. It's great. Lex and Emilie are my life. I'm excited for all the wild, random memories and laughing fits we're all going to have together in the next few months.


So that's where I'm at thus far. Truckin' along, trying to find a job, etc. Now that I'm back in the cities though I'd love to catch up with old friends and new friends. There are so many people though, so I'm just kinda waiting to see who all messages or contacts me first. :P

PS-- The dentist called today to schedule an appointment, and the earliest date available is July 2nd. Which is my birthday. Ha! But I love the dentist. My dental hygienist is AMAZINGGGGG. I refuse refuse to have anyone else besides her. She knows all my sensitive teeth, and my life story! Haha! So yea...happy birthday to me? :/

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

You'll Be Bright

You'll Be Bright by: Cloud Cult

All the things you'll love,

All the things that may hurt you,

All the things you shouldn't do,

And all the things you want to...

They're calling your name...travel safely.

Every first kiss, every crisis, every heartbreak and every act of kindness...

They're calling your name...travel safely.

Every empire, every monument, every masterpiece and every invention,

They're calling your name...travel safely.

I found stars on the tip of your tongue.

You speak Poltergeist, so do I. So do I.

What comes will come.
What goes will go.

The wind will blow where the wind is blowing.
Let go of where you think you're going.

We'll never know why it flows where it's flowing.

We've always been what we will always be.

I'm so convinced we have to get there, we can part the sea.

So bring the dead to life, turn your blood to wine.

All your life you have waited for this moment to arrive.

And you'll be bright.


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

For the ladies: on Mother Nature

Hey ladies... So, we all know how much we love having Mother Nature visit us each month. (NOT!) But it's normal, it happens, it sucks, but we get used to it. One thing I had never really thought of is tracking my cycle to see any patterns and record the average durations, etc. of my period.

Kayla introduced me to this site MonthlyInfo.com. It is AMAZING. It's simple, easy, free, and for some reason makes relieved and at peace with my period. I don't want to sound like a paid advertiser or anything, but everyone with a period should use this!

Basically, you just put in when you get your period on the calendar.
Then, from the day it starts it will show you what stage you're at, whether it's a maturing follicle, ovulation, etc. This would be great for any trying to do natural family planning as well, so you can see when you're ovulating or not. 
There is also a place on the calendar where you can write notes about your period. Then, as you record it more often, you can start to see your cycle pattern. Obviously when you first start it, it's hard to tell what your pattern is completely accurate. As I've been using it for a few years now, I can look through and see the variations of my cycle durations. There is also a chart showing the average durations and the standard deviations of them too!

My favorite part about this site is that it will send you friendly reminders when you're period is expected to come. You can sign up for emails or texts from them to let you know. I have mine signed up to text and email me two days before it's expected.
And that's it! All you do to sign up is give your email and make a password. I love the layout of it because it's simple and not evil and scary, like our periods usually seem to be. So I suggest if you have a period, you should have a MonthlyInfo account. I seriously just love it. It's great to see when my cycles are normal or off, and getting little reminders of when it'll be. :)

[And I will step off my soap box now]

Monday, May 21, 2012

Soneto XVII (Sonnet 17) by Pablo Neruda


No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres, 

tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

[Translation]

I do not love you as if you were a rose made of salt or topaz
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.



I love you like the plant that never blooms,
but conceals within itself the light of those flowers;
and, thanks to your love, the darkness of my body
houses the suffocating aroma that arose from the earth.



I love you without knowing how, when, or where from;
I love you straightforwardly, with neither problems nor pride:
I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise

than this way whereby neither ‘you’ nor ‘I’ exist…
so close that your hand on my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes grow heavy when I tire.



Star Lake, Dent, MN :)

Boat ride with loved ones



Thursday, May 17, 2012

Tattoos: How I feel, and what I have

Everyone has their opinions on tattoos, whether you're covered in them or you think they're the ugliest things in the world. My opinion? I love them. To me, they are a form of art that you can portray on your body. I believe if you get something that has special meaning to you, and will have meaning to you forever, it's perfectly okay to get them. I know many people just get something because they like it, and it doesn't always have a special meaning or anything- which is fine for them. It's just on your body forever, so I think it should be something meaningful.
(pinterest)
Tattoo: Number 1
I had wanted a tattoo ever since I was probably 16 years old or so. My first one took me about a year to plan out. I saw the Chinese symbol for love when I was at the Navy Pier in Chicago and I loved how symmetrical and simple it was. So that was the first spark for my first tattoo. I also wanted to incorporate a butterfly into the tattoo as well, as ever since sixth grade butterflies have been my favorite animal.

Why a butterfly? Well when I was in sixth grade, one of my classmate's little sister had a skin disease in which she would break out in sores any time someone touched her. It was also called "the butterfly disease". She  passed away when she was only six weeks old. That was the first funeral I had ever been to, and at the burial we let off butterfly balloons in honor of her little soul. The moment I looked up at the sky and saw the butterflies, I was inspired; and that is why they are now my favorite animal. They're so beautiful and fragile, and represent how great change can be- since they come and transform from a caterpillar.

So when I turned 18, I had been a paraprofessional for Special Education summer school in Cottage Grove. My friend/ co-worker and I sat and planned out this tattoo every single day of school when we had free time; to ensure that it was perfect. Once I perfected it, I went and got it done! It didn't even hurt. It felt like scratches kind of. Luckily, it was just on my ankle, so it's not a sensitive spot to begin with. :)

Tattoo: Number 2
In case you didn't know already, I love love. I love friends, and I love family. My life revolves around love! My best friend Kayla and I had talked about getting a "friendship" tattoo for a while. We wanted to get something simple and symbolic of friendship and love. Trevor Hall (our favorite singer/ man EVER) has two tattoos kind of by the collar bone, on the best, by the shoulder (it's a hard placement to explain), and we fell in love with that placement. Visible with a strapless or tank top, but easily hidden with a t-shirt/ regular shirt.
So that was how we decided the placement for that one. We kept it a secret at first, because we wanted it to be a surprise kind of thing. But K let the word slip to our friend Jenna about it, and we also couldn't keep it from our other friend Jaymee. Alas, we decided all four of us should get it. And we just so happened to be planning a trip to KC, MO to visit Kayla one weekend... Perfect timing for the tattoo! It took use FOREVER to plan out the specifics of the tattoo though. Even though it's a simple design, the color, size, placement, style, etc. was a really difficult thing for us all to agree on. Did we want it fancy? Big? Colored? Left side? Right side? Since Jen had heart surgery, we couldn't get it on the left side. So the right side was decided, and since we couldn't think of a color we'd all like, we chose to get it black. We all went in, got them done, and they turned out wonderfully. Each of them are just a tad different than the others too, which is nice.

Tattoo: Number 3
I have always loved foot tattoos. But I never thought I'd be able to handle the pain (that I heard) that came along with it. Since my family is my entire life, and I wouldn't be here without them and their support, I knew that I'd want a tattoo to represent them. I came up with the idea of incorporating all of our birthstones into a tattoo, since we were all born in different months it could be a cool idea. So I toyed with idea of having some simple shape filled with our birthstone colors: a star would be the perfect one. So I knew I wanted five stars, all with each of my parents', my sisters', and my birthstone colors. (Dad: aquamarine, Mom: peridot, Me: ruby, Emilie: emerald, Lex: amethyst). 

Jaymee and I went to LaCrosse to visit our friends, and get the tattoo done! I told the artist all I wanted was those starts and some type of swirls or something to separate them. So I just put it in his hands and had him be creative, since I clearly wasn't doing very well at that part. And MAN, am I glad I let him play with the idea. He did an awesome job of designing the swirls. The best part is he made the stars in order, from biggest to smallest. And he even put the birthstone colors birth order too- which I totally didn't even plan! So it goes biggest to smallest, Dad - Lexi. So amazing. It's definitely one of my favorite tattoos. :) Aaaand I didn't even cry! (I literally told myself it was going to be one of the most painful things ever, so I wouldn't be shocked when it actually would be that painful. It didn't even hurt as bad as I'd heard it would!)
[The only problem with this time was that I had to be alone in the tattoo area; so Jaymee couldn't even hold my hand or anything. Which was dumb.]


Tattoo: Number 4
For the past ~3 years or so, I've always loved the phrase "paz. amor. igualdad.": which means peace, love, equality. And even though I'm artistically challenged, I would always doodle the phrase with each word's coordination symbols. On EVERYTHING I could, I would write "paz. amor. igualdad." with the peace sign, heart, and equal sign under each word. They are three things I like to promote as much as I can. Peace: being at peace with yourself, I'm also a huge pacifist, and just spreading peace among others. Love: this is obvious, as I've said about my other tattoos, that I love love. Equality: treating people the same, accepting people for who they are, etc. Obviously I'm not perfect, no one is, but these are things are try my hardest to spread and encourage as much as possible.

There is tattoo shop here, Tatu Royale, and my friend Casey has worked there for a while. So I met all the workers there, and they're all awesome people. I never got anything pierced or tattooed there though, I just met everyone. But at the beginning of this year, I decided I wanted to get this phrase tattooed before I leave Winona. So I saved up money throughout the year just for the tattoo. I wanted Amado, one of the artists there, to do it for me since he speaks Spanish and I figured we could bond over that ;)

I wanted it to be fancy, but not too busy. But I also still wanted it to be simple. So after months of trying to choose a font, I decided on a cursive font. And for the heart, Kayla suggested doing a heart with a design in it. So I picked one that suited me most: it's leaves/ tree like. This is perfect since I love nature and the Earth. And it's still simple, but also intricate and a dash of fancy to even out the simplicity of the other two symbols. I had decided to get it on my side, because it needed to be vertical. I was planning on just dying and crying from the pain, since I knew the ribs are some of the most painful places to get tattooed.

But I did it. Amado perfected the size, design, and placement. And I DID IT! Eek! It hurt. A lot. But I didn't even cry. My friend Mako came and took pictures for us and she held my hand towards the end in the most painful part. But it is just great. So perfect. I love it. I've received countless compliments on it too, even from people who don't like tattoos! ;) So here it is, tattoo number 4. (Which I just got on May 8th!)
Well folks, there ya go. All about my tattoos and the meanings behind them.

Will I get more? Well I'm planning on it... I have a few more planned still. That I've thought about for at least a couple years now. Once I'm rich (HA!) or something, then I'll eventually get more. If they were cheaper, I'd get lots more for sure. But I have to save up lots o' money for the future ones. And ya know, pay off the school debt that I'm up to my ears. But that's a whole other story...

Do you have tattoos? Do they have special meanings? :)

Monday, May 14, 2012

A little about me...Rando facts!

I randomly have mental breakdowns and start sobbing for no reason.

I swear...a lot. I blame my old supervisor at work for it.

When I'm emo or feeling down, I listen to slow depressing music instead of happy, upbeat music.

I hate paying full price for clothes; I only love thrift stores/ consignment shops.

I love Mexican food.

I like long hugs (as they're not from creepy people).

I always wear socks. I only wear sandals if it's ~80* or so outside. Even in summer, I HAVE to wear socks to bed.

Because of this, my feet are very soft.

I like the smell of onions.

I don't like cucumbers.

I hate big dogs; I only like little dogs. (If I had to choose, otherwise I just don't like dogs in general)

I don't like horseback riding. At all. It hurts me a lot!

I do not wear regular flip flops ever. I have Chacos, and they are the best sandals EVER.

I don't like hiking.

I love watching the sunset.

I'm afraid of storms.

I'm obsessed with lyrics, tattoos, and dreadlocks.

I sleep with pillows, blankets, books, and clothes on the other side of me so it doesn't feel so lonely and empty.

Our deepest fear

‎"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What does it mean?

I've heard this quote countless times, and every time I see a different view or aspect on it. It's long, and has so much depth to it. 

The first two lines are perfect: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We all have so much potential to do great things in the world and in our lives, but do we ever want to risk failing? What if we succeed immensely? what would we do with all that power and pride? 

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? So what makes ME any different than everyone else in the world? What makes me ME special? Well, everyone is special. Everyone has good to them. Everyone has a talent or a strong point; the problem is, do they demonstrate it? Do they use it to their fullest abilities? 

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. No one wants to feel like they're better than everyone than everyone else, because then who knows what others will think? Making your life smaller and seeming less significant doesn't accomplish anything.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. If we can shine and show the world what we've got to give, other people can pick up on that. They can see that you're successful, have confidence, motivation, strength, and you [seem] to know what to do with it. This is encouraging. Hey, I saw so-and-so doing [this]- now I want to do that! Who's to say you can't? Who's to say you're not good enough? It's the ripple effect... You see others doing what they're meant to do, so why can't you?
~

As I reach this new chapter in my life, this quote hits me really hard. I have endless opportunities in front of me. I have a brand new, clean slate to work with. What will I do with it? How will I start my new life chapter? I have some plans. We'll see how they turn out. Only time will tell what I'm supposed to do, or where I'm supposed to go. But I have some pretty positive aspects to myself; I have some things I'm pretty good at it. Will I use them to my fullest ability? Will I show the world what I got?

Well, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try my damnedest. 

What makes YOU shine?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Dia de la Madre

Seeing as I'm a poor college student...well, soon to-be college graduate... I don't have much money to buy some fancy gift for my mama this Mother's Day. But really, material goods only satisfy temporary happiness. The memories that I have of times with my mom top any gift I could buy her.

My mom used to be a crazy woman back in her younger years. Then she worked full time (at a desk job, which eventually killed her body slowly). She works at an appliance store with her awesome father (my grandpa). She thoroughly enjoys hot yoga, long walks, random stretching at home or in public places, and has to use a million pillows whenever she sits. She is gluten free, and is who started me on my g-free diet. She is the oldest of eight, which she used to hate... but now I don't think any of us can imagine family gatherings any other way than they usually go: crazy.
("Beer in one hand, bubbles in the other. Perfect combo." - Mom)
(me, Aunt Julie, Aunt Kristyn, Mama, Aunt Shelly... "Girls Weekend" in Winona)
Like the rest of our family, my mom has the best sense of humor. Sometimes the things she says...well, we're either all laughing at her because it's absolutely ridiculous, or she's laughing to herself and none of us get why. Or we all just laugh together because...well, that's how we are!
(Mama and Uncle Joe aka: my mom's baby brother!)

Three words: RANDOM. DANCE. PARTIES.

Yup. My sisters, my mom, and I frequently have random dance parties. There's usually music involved... but sometimes there's not. Lack of music definitely doesn't stop us from gettin' our groove on. Let me tell you! I think my favorite dance memories are when we were in Iowa with my dad's side of the family...
Teach Me How to Dougie
Yea, you read that right. Soooo, our mom is an AMAZING dancer. I mean seriously. I'm jealous. So anyway, you know all the rando hip-hop moves they come up with (stanky leg, two-step, walkin it out, the bernie, etc.), well when the Dougie song came out we immediately asked mom to try it. We showed her a video of these guys doing it (total eye candy. freaking fantastic dancers.) so she could kinda get an idea of how to do it. We played "Teach Me How to Dougie" and played the guys dancing so she could watch, we handed her a hat (which she turned to the side of course), she pulled her pants as low as they could get (in attempt to make them baggy...but it's funny because her jeans were tight and she had a belt on. so yea, it didn't work. but she tried!) and she DOUGIED. She just did it. My cousins and I were all just freaking out we were so excited. Hahaha, oh it was perfect. The rest of the fam (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc) were looking at us like we were crazy people. Keep in mind, this was all in our grandparents' kitchen.
Not to cause drama...best dance party in the history of dance parties
Ok, so we went to visit my sister at her college and we ended up going to Goodwill to clothes shop for a bit on our way back. It was mama, Uncle Skip, Tori, Lexi, and me. The rest of the family ended up going to church, but we didn't make it back on time to go. So the only logical thing for us to do while we waited for everyone to come back? DANCE PARTY. We salsa danced, hip hop danced, El Baile de Meme danced, every kind of dance- we probably did it. It was so epic. Even Uncle Skip danced! And he's usually the most chill guy ever; but he was into it! Then the second the rest of the fam walked in, they turned it off. Ha it was lame...but totally wicked before then! We got all sweaty and sore... Such a great work out. ;)

Another random memory (more recent) is when my sister and I were just hanging out in the kitchen with my mom, we looked over and she had a random plastic baggie hanging from her sweater. Here is the conversation that ensued:
Emilie: "Nice bag, mom..."
Mom: "Yea, I'm trying to be Gaga, can't you tell?! I NEED MORE BAGS!"
Hahaha. Oh goodness. In short, I love my mom. She's a life saver. My sisters and I are the luckiest girls ever, and my papa is the luckiest guy ever to have her as his wife! Words can't describe how thankful I am to have such great parents. :)
(Both parents. They've both lost weight since this pic too!)

Feliz Dia de la Madre... Happy Mother's Day, Mama Bear!