Monday, April 16, 2012

Life planning: Wait, what?!

So we go to elementary school, then middle school, then high school, then [usually] college, then we graduate, get big boy/girl jobs, get married, have babies, and live happily ever after....right?

HA. Not at all, folks...
Ok, I guess some people end up doing that. And good for them, if they've got their lives figured out at such a routinely convenient age. But then there's the rest of the us who have no freaking clue what we want to do with our lives. We have no clue where we want to go. I say we because I know I'm not alone in this feeling.
But seriously. I'm graduating in under two months and I have no clue what is going to happen! When I was a special education major, my plan was exactly the one I started this post with. I was going to student teach and get a full time teaching job easily, etc. But now... I feel like I have no goals. I'm so checked out of school right now. I need to just finish it off, but it is getting to be more and more difficult to find motivation to do that! I think I want to be a counselor. But I can't actually do that until I have a Master's degree. And I can't get a Master's until I can afford it. And I can't afford it until my undergrad debt (heaps and heaps of it) is paid off. And the undergrad debt can't get paid off until I have a [good enough] job. And I can't have a good enough job until I get experience...and so on, and so on. *sigh* What a cycle, right?

Kayla and I were just talking about this today, how it's crazy that people/ society/ culture expects people to just automatically know what we want to do "for the rest of our lives"! That's ridiculous. How could anyone possibly know what they want in the rest of life when they're only 22/23 years old? There are still at least ~60+ years left in life to figure that out. Why do we have to rush it? Well, I guess because we have bills to pay and debt to pay off...and many times kids to take care of, bla bla bla.

Growing up and being the real world is so scary! I'm seriously going to miss the whole college environment. I won't miss the money, boring classes, tests, etc. But MAN, I'll miss seeing people I know everywhere- literally- everywhere I go, I know someone! I'll miss waking up late, and staying up late. I'll miss walking everywhere. I'll miss having spontaneous hang out times/ coffee/ lunch/ parties with people. It's so great! I'm so thankful for having met so many wonderful people here, and I hope to stay in touch with them for years and years to come as well. :)
So I guess for now...only time will tell what I'm supposed to do or where I'm supposed to go. First things first is finishing these damn classes... Ugh. :P So bored. Haha. Then I'll graduate. Then I'll be thrown into the real world. Eek!

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again." -- C.S. Lewis

“For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And all the time your soul is craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him!” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
(all photos from my pinterest)


  1. Ugh. Speak it. This is my life.

  2. I just got a chance to read and I HAVE SO BEEN THERE! Sometimes, I think I could be in the exact same place without having the expense of all my student loans to add to my list of responsibilities (read: $200/mo richer!). But, I wouldn't take the intellectual experience of my undergrad back for anything. And, oh- yeah- I still can't afford to pay for or take time to begin my Master's, either. =P

    1. Haha, oh goodness.... I guess that's not so reassuring then huh. ;)

      I feel like I haven't even learned much from my undergrad now... Ugh. Who knows. I'll figure it out in time. Eventually... :P