Reflecting and thinking lately...

I've been thinking lately.
A lot.

I've been reflecting on my life thus far, the events that have taken place, the events that will eventually be taking place, reevaluating certain situations. I'm going to be 23 Monday, July 2nd. I'm not really sure when that happened. Time has been flying by me so quickly.

I've been reading this book lately: Quarterlife Crisis.

It's great. I'm only on page 30 something and I love it. I've been marking pages up and bookmarking things I like and enjoy. It's basically about how twentysomething year olds feel pressure of needing to know what they're going to do in life; pressure of needing to have everything figured and planned out. When in reality, none of us have that. Yea, everyone knows about the midlife crisis. But what about the quarterlife crisis? We're all going through it in some way or another. My sister Emilie actually bought this book for herself and then figured I'd like it. Man, was she right. I couldn't have started reading this at a better time! Seriously, everyone my age should read this. It will make you feel a lot better about feeling lost and confused about your life. Well, it made me feel better at least. :)

We all just need to remember that it's OKAY to not have your life completely planned and figured out! It's okay to be confused and lost once in a while. Nothing is set in stone besides the fact we will all eventually die. Other than that, nothing is certain. So take some risks and leaps. Explore your likes and dislikes. Leave your comfort zone. Try new things. Meet new people. Stay true to yourself and make sure you're happy. (Obviously these things are a lot easier said than done, but hey- it's a good inspiration to at least remember and think about these things!) 

Anyway... Yea. I'm trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, who belongs in my life, who shouldn't, etc. It's quite the clusterf*ck of thoughts and wonders. I had my orientation for Pizza Luce the other day: I am SO excited to start working there!!! Seriously. Pumped. Ecstatic. I already feel so at home and comfortable with it. It's chill, welcoming, fun, and I'm sure the people I'll be working with are gonna be just as awesome. They're gluten free, vegan friendly. Oh, and we're going to be in the 4th of July parade in Richfield (which is where our location will be opening). Guess what we're throwing out in it? GARLIC. Yep. Garlic and artichokes are our signature items of the restaurant, so it's a fun way for us to get our names out and be different! I'm so excited.

I'll also be a PCA and a nanny for my two little cousins starting in fall, so I got to hang out with them and my aunt today to kinda get to know the ropes of the house and such. That'll be great. Until then, I'm working at the concessions stands in the SSP pools. It sucks, but it's money.

And I just... Yea. Keep thinking. Pondering. A lot. It's been a very contemplative time in my heart and my mind lately. I apologize for my lack of posts. 

Stay tuned for a guest post from my fantastically talented cousin soon! :)

xoxo

"The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected." - Fortune cookie truth

So ready for this new start

Well... I got hired at Pizza Luce! As a cashier for the new location out in Richfield, MN. Words cannot describe my happiness!!!! Ever since I first stepped foot in that restaurant, I had dreamt of working there. Everyone's covered in tattoos and piercings, super friendly and crazy...it's just perfect. It is going to be great. I'm so excited! Not only because it's a job and I will have income now (finally), but because I know I'll love it. I'll fit in there. I love working with people. Food service is something I enjoy doing. It's just gonna be great! I know it!

Being unemployed, even though it was only for a month, has been killing me. Seriously. I've felt so worthless, helpless, just...yea. Not good. I mean come on, I had been employed since I was 16 years old, with the exception of the five months I was Spain. So having no job and $70,000 of debt is kind of a scary thing. The dent just lingers over me constantly. It scares me. It makes me anxious. It worries and stresses me out. I shouldn't be worrying, and I should think it'll all work out fine and I'll pay it off. But $70,000?! COME ON. That's way too much money. Ahh... Sometimes I feel like it won't even get paid off til I'm dead. That's just what I say anyway. :P

HHHHanyway. I am employed now. I have orientation on the 20th, training the next week, and the grand opening is in July! Eeeep! So exciting! And I can just throw all my money at my loans, a car, and groceries, and loans, loans, loans!

Also, we're nearing the end of our house for sale! Eeeek! It's just working out the kinks and details for now! And the house my parents want to move into is literally right across the street from our house now. Which yea, is kind of convenient for moving purposes. But it'll be depressing seeing the old house every day...and remembering how freakin perfect and awesome this house is... *sigh*. Oh well. Gotta try and think positively. It's what's best for mama and papa bear and our family. :)

Family

My little sister Lexi is graduating from high school! I can't even believe it. She's so old! She actually looks the oldest out of all three of us, which is kinda funny. We had her grad party yesterday; almost all of our family came up for the weekend for it. It was a blast! It was kind of stressful trying to prepare the house and such, then clean up immediately today for a showing we had at 2pm. But we did it. And it was allll worth it! I love my family so, so much! I am extremely lucky to have them, and even though most of us are polar opposite people, we get along super well! We're loud. We're crazy. We love coffee. (I got everyone to fall in love with the Sumatra blend...I made SO many pots of it yesterday. Let's just say my aunt and I were overly caffeinated for the majority of the day. ;) Hehe, it was grand) We love food. We love laughing. We love yard games. We love beer (and wine!). We love in depth talks. We love each other. It's wonderful. 


In two weeks we have our annual Scott family reunion where we go to Wisconsin Dells for a couple days. It's basically the best and most epic weekend of the entire year because all of us are there: all 23? of us. (I haven't counted in a while but I think that's the grand total) My cousins and I are all pretty close in age too which makes it a million times better because we're all really closely knit. I'm just very lucky and thankful to have such a great family that I know will be here for me, or I should say we'll all be here for each other- forever. I can't imagine it any other way. :)

"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family." - Jim Butcher

"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family." - Mother Teresa

"I sustain myself with the love of family." - Maya Angelou

"A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it." - Mary Karr

Graduated-ish/ Lately

Well, that's done and over now. That is, my undergraduate career. Okay technically I'm not quite done? I have an internship/ volunteering thing for 120 hours of experience this summer, THEN I will be done and graduated. But I've moved back home now, and I have no more classes. It's kinda...weird. I'm still adjusting. My parents are trying to sell their house, so moving all my stuff (that I have accumulated over the past two years) and attempting to store it in places that won't be seen during showings of the house- yea it's been hell. I am super OCD about where all my things are. And right now, everything's in random boxes spread throughout the shed, garage, attic, my room, my sisters' rooms, closets, and the laundry room. So that's driving me CRAZY. Ack, I hate not knowing exactly where everything is...especially when it's something I need right that moment. I'll get over it. Or hopefully we can just sell the house; that'd make things SO much easier!!! So please everyone keep your fingers crossed for that!

Other than that, I'm just trying to find a dang job. Ugh. I have only been unemployed while I was in Spain, and that's it- since I was 16 years old. So being unemployed right now is killing me. I feel so... worthless, I guess would be the word. I know I'm not, but I mean, it just sucks. I'm living with my parents with no job, no car, and $70,000 of debt. Gee, so proud. I graduated college, and that's a huge accomplishment. But to me it just doesn't feel good enough, at least not yet. Once I actually get income and can start throwing money at my loans I'll feel a lot better.

Also, now that I re-read that last paragraph I realize I sound really negative. :P That's another thing I'm working on! Haha. Working on being happy with myself and who I am. I can make sure EVERYone else is happy, and fix everyone else's problems; but when it comes to mine, nope. But Lexi's my personal trainer now so I will get healthier physically, and hopefully psychologically along with it. I think that once I get a job, have income, and can get my life on track I'll be a lot better off and will be a lot happier with myself. So that's a work in progress.

Lastly, I love my sisters. I love being home with them now. Whenever Emilie and I are home usually we're jam packed nights and weekends with family and such, so it's hard for just us three to bond. But when we're home, we bond. And laugh- A LOT. Actually that's basically all we do together. Ha, it's amazing. I honestly don't know how I could survive without them! We are all so completely different people, yet we end up connecting perfectly and getting along so well. Of course we have random times where we just scream at each other from different levels of the house, or freak out because our shoes were stolen by a sister, but really- no one's perfect, right? ;) We usually just end up laughing about how crazy we seemed later on. It's great. Lex and Emilie are my life. I'm excited for all the wild, random memories and laughing fits we're all going to have together in the next few months.

So that's where I'm at thus far. Truckin' along, trying to find a job, etc. Now that I'm back in the cities though I'd love to catch up with old friends and new friends. There are so many people though, so I'm just kinda waiting to see who all messages or contacts me first. :P

PS-- The dentist called today to schedule an appointment, and the earliest date available is July 2nd. Which is my birthday. Ha! But I love the dentist. My dental hygienist is AMAZINGGGGG. I refuse refuse to have anyone else besides her. She knows all my sensitive teeth, and my life story! Haha! So yea...happy birthday to me? :/

You'll Be Bright

You'll Be Bright by: Cloud Cult

All the things you'll love,

All the things that may hurt you,

All the things you shouldn't do,

And all the things you want to...

They're calling your name...travel safely.

Every first kiss, every crisis, every heartbreak and every act of kindness...

They're calling your name...travel safely.

Every empire, every monument, every masterpiece and every invention,

They're calling your name...travel safely.

I found stars on the tip of your tongue.

You speak Poltergeist, so do I. So do I.

What comes will come.
What goes will go.

The wind will blow where the wind is blowing.
Let go of where you think you're going.

We'll never know why it flows where it's flowing.

We've always been what we will always be.

I'm so convinced we have to get there, we can part the sea.

So bring the dead to life, turn your blood to wine.

All your life you have waited for this moment to arrive.

And you'll be bright.

For the ladies: on Mother Nature

Hey ladies... So, we all know how much we love having Mother Nature visit us each month. (NOT!) But it's normal, it happens, it sucks, but we get used to it. One thing I had never really thought of is tracking my cycle to see any patterns and record the average durations, etc. of my period.

Kayla introduced me to this site MonthlyInfo.com. It is AMAZING. It's simple, easy, free, and for some reason makes relieved and at peace with my period. I don't want to sound like a paid advertiser or anything, but everyone with a period should use this!

Basically, you just put in when you get your period on the calendar.

Then, from the day it starts it will show you what stage you're at, whether it's a maturing follicle, ovulation, etc. This would be great for any trying to do natural family planning as well, so you can see when you're ovulating or not. 

There is also a place on the calendar where you can write notes about your period. Then, as you record it more often, you can start to see your cycle pattern. Obviously when you first start it, it's hard to tell what your pattern is completely accurate. As I've been using it for a few years now, I can look through and see the variations of my cycle durations. There is also a chart showing the average durations and the standard deviations of them too!

My favorite part about this site is that it will send you friendly reminders when you're period is expected to come. You can sign up for emails or texts from them to let you know. I have mine signed up to text and email me two days before it's expected.

And that's it! All you do to sign up is give your email and make a password. I love the layout of it because it's simple and not evil and scary, like our periods usually seem to be. So I suggest if you have a period, you should have a MonthlyInfo account. I seriously just love it. It's great to see when my cycles are normal or off, and getting little reminders of when it'll be. :)

[And I will step off my soap box now]

Soneto XVII (Sonnet 17) by Pablo Neruda

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres, 

tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

[Translation]

I do not love you as if you were a rose made of salt or topaz
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.


I love you like the plant that never blooms,
but conceals within itself the light of those flowers;
and, thanks to your love, the darkness of my body
houses the suffocating aroma that arose from the earth.


I love you without knowing how, when, or where from;
I love you straightforwardly, with neither problems nor pride:
I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise
than this way whereby neither ‘you’ nor ‘I’ exist…
so close that your hand on my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes grow heavy when I tire.

Star Lake, Dent, MN :)

Boat ride with loved ones