Our deepest fear

‎"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What does it mean?

I've heard this quote countless times, and every time I see a different view or aspect on it. It's long, and has so much depth to it. 

The first two lines are perfect: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We all have so much potential to do great things in the world and in our lives, but do we ever want to risk failing? What if we succeed immensely? what would we do with all that power and pride? 

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? So what makes ME any different than everyone else in the world? What makes me ME special? Well, everyone is special. Everyone has good to them. Everyone has a talent or a strong point; the problem is, do they demonstrate it? Do they use it to their fullest abilities? 

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. No one wants to feel like they're better than everyone than everyone else, because then who knows what others will think? Making your life smaller and seeming less significant doesn't accomplish anything.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. If we can shine and show the world what we've got to give, other people can pick up on that. They can see that you're successful, have confidence, motivation, strength, and you [seem] to know what to do with it. This is encouraging. Hey, I saw so-and-so doing [this]- now I want to do that! Who's to say you can't? Who's to say you're not good enough? It's the ripple effect... You see others doing what they're meant to do, so why can't you?

~

As I reach this new chapter in my life, this quote hits me really hard. I have endless opportunities in front of me. I have a brand new, clean slate to work with. What will I do with it? How will I start my new life chapter? I have some plans. We'll see how they turn out. Only time will tell what I'm supposed to do, or where I'm supposed to go. But I have some pretty positive aspects to myself; I have some things I'm pretty good at it. Will I use them to my fullest ability? Will I show the world what I got?

Well, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try my damnedest. 

What makes YOU shine?

It's happening

It's happening. The next two weeks are going to kick my butt. I've been aware of this for quite some time, I know. But now it's finally here. Finishing up all the prep for FRFF, diving into case studies and court dates, and legal terms for my Child Advocacy Studies classes...which all are blurring together thus far, since I have three of them and they're all CAST. Oh and grad school stuff needs to be taken care of as well. And figuring out my capstone project. Oh, there's graduation paperwork that needs to be done? HA. I'll worry about that later...

I had a great weekend with friends and did nothing productive (besides work of course), since I won't be able to have much of a social life from here on out probably, haha. I started getting more organized (not completely, but it's making progress- I swear!) in hopes that that decreases my anxiety and stress levels. I'm super excited for FRFF; it's going to be a great success. Just the building up to it sucks sometimes, as does anything wonderful!

Send some strength, encouragement, and positive vibes my way if you can please... I'm gonna need 'em! I will get through it. Slowly but surely. Keep on truckin' along. Oh and coffee is amazing. Just in case ya'll didn't know that already. OH! And I found love note number NINE from Andrew today... It could not have come at a better time, I swear. I needed that. I can't believe he's been gone since October - and I'm still finding love notes lying around various places from him! Ha, I am one lucky girl that's for sure. Two months til I go to KC too! Eep! Yay! Actually, it's less than two months...If I counted correctly it's 46 days?! (Someone check my math...since we all know how terrible I am at it :P)

I've recently enjoyed these two songs: one for calming my mind, and one for putting on my happy pants!

Calming: Samskeyti -- Sigur Ros



and the happy dance is... Loca People -- Sak Noel
(there is swearing in this. but GAWWWD it's amazing. and catchy. you'll love it, trust me!)



PS-- Speaking of Sigur Ros, I got to skype with Emily Templin, my lovely former-part-time-roomie friend who is an au pair in Ireland right now, for the first time in months today! I miss her dearly and love living vicariously through her awesome, crazy, Irish life. ;)

Little bit of life lately!

Hi there beautiful people :)

I apologize for lack of activity over here on my blogster world... Life has been quite a joy ride lately!

Let me start off by saying how absolutely perfect my New Year's weekend/ Christmas with Dad's side of the fam was... IT WAS AMAZING. Basically had grand ol' bonding time with my freaking awesome cousins (most of them...some couldn't make it) and I got the best gift from my grandparents: a gift card to the Co-op! I literally cried I was so happy about it. How perfect can that be? I love the co-op, and I wouldn't have had any food upon my return to Winona without it! Ha! So that was great... Then New Year's Eve (that Saturday...) my sisters and cousins drove me to a town in Iowa to meet half way with Andrew. Then him and I drove on down to KC for the weekend.

We basically drank wine, ate food, shopped (way way more than both of us usually do, so we were pooped!), and spent some quality time together... I can't remember the exact schedule we had, but all I know is I enjoyed every moment of it. I got to see my cousin and her new hubby, and my best friend too- so that was awesome. It was just so nice to be there with Andrew. Our alone time was my favorite part because the past few times we've seen each other it's been hectic and busy as all hell with family events, etc. So that was nice to not worry about that. And yes, we totally spent New Year's Eve in PJ's, drinking wine, eating pizza, and watching Big Bang Theory. We felt so old... But I wouldn't have had it any other way! Ooo and we have BOMB DIGGITY Indian cuisine for lunch Sunday... Holy yummy. It made me miss all my Nepali/ Sri Lankan friends though!

After the perfect weekend, I had to take the Greyhound back to the Cities.... HA. That was... Yea. I will never do that again. Andrew, I love you. But I will not go through that again. :P The bus was hot... Then a rando guy ended up sleeping on me/ cuddling with my shoulder for the last ~4+ hours of the trip... It was about a 10 hour trip. And the drive from the cities to KC is only 7 hours. So that sucked. Lol. I mean yes, the weekend was completely worth it. But boy was I glad to be off that bus that evening! I got a good "welcome back" night with my parents and sister by going out for tacos at a restaurant called Rusty Taco. [If you're in the St. Paul/ Mpls. area, definitely go check it out! Rusty Taco site] We had read great reviews on it in the local paper; they have gluten free tacos (as they're all in corn shells) and two vegetarian options. The owner was an awesome, fun, energetic guy... You could tell how passionate about his restaurant he was! So that was fun.

Fast forward a bit... to Thursday the 5th. I took the GRE that day. Ha. What a joke. It was terrible. I feel like I guessed on every thing. Emilie had helped me study basic math skills the night before... But of course there was a ton of algebra and geometry, and vocabulary that I'm pretty sure no one actually uses... So yea. But it's done now. And the one school that requires the GRE that I applied to won't know the minimum score requirements until March 1st, so I won't know if/ when I need to retake it until then. So that sucks. But oh well... I wouldn't be able to afford it soon anyway! ;)

Aaaand that same night I returned to Winona. Man oh man, I am NOT ready for this new semester. With my new minor I added (Child Advocacy Studies), I'm going to have a hard adjustment to having so many classes when I'm used to working constantly, not go to class and study constantly. So that will be interesting.

Also, this whole month of January will be absolute hell- not only because of the new semester. But because I am one of the technical directors for the Frozen River Film Festival here! It's an awesome thing that's put on every year; it's a great community event. But it's a ton of work... I mean, obviously it's worth all the effort we put into it. It's just very time consuming. Here's the link so you can go check it out! And if you're in Winona during the festival- you must go! It's great! :) FRFF Also, if you're in Winona and feel like being generous, we need more volunteers to help out! ;) Andrew is a total technology guru, and he used to work at it. But now that he's not here anymore, my technical partner Sam and I have to take over! Woooo!

Anyhow, so that's my life lately. I apologize in advance if you don't get updates from me throughout this month... Or if I only put lil' blurbs out. That's why. Because it's going to be a crazy, hectic, busy month... But it will be fine. And I will survive. Oh and I have to finish applying for grad schools... Heh. Yay?

I got this. Ain't no thang, right?

I hope you all are doing well, having a good start to your year, and enjoying life. Andrew and I are pretty much counting down the months til my spring break (when I get to visit for a whole week!) and July when I go move down there... 6 months. *sigh* seems like so far away. I'm sure time will fly though...

Take care and much love!

Cheers!

Pretty Winona :)

Mmhm... One of my favorite quotes lately.

Something I tend to forget to do ;)

Grad School... Eek!

Ahhh It's all happening so quickly!!! Well, not really. I've known about grad school for quite some time now. I'm just now finally starting to finish up the application processes! I've filled out my application for UMKC (University of Missouri-Kansas City), just have to mail my Webster application, sent the transcripts to both schools, and will get the letters of reference once the spring semester starts!

I'm scared. Excited. Anxious. Hopeful. Doubtful. Proud. All sorts of mixed feelings are taking over! I can tell you one thing is for sure: I am NOT ready for the GRE. Ugh. I know I should be positive about it, but seriously, me + tests = disaster. It's been like that since I came out the womb! :P Ha, but really... I have been studying here and there, and I know I should definitely be doing more of it. But it all comes down to when I get to the test: I know what I know, I can do my best, and that's all I can do!

I am going to research some more schools in The Cities to see if I could possibly go there (just to have a plan B in case KC doesn't work!), and I think I'll apply to the WSU program too. Might as well, right? I'm just scared SOMEthing won't work out and I won't be prepared, then I'll go into a state of helplessness or depression...something not good. So I figure it's better to prepare for that instead of winging it. :)

But let's all keep our fingers crossed that UMKC and/or Webster work out!

Then I have to find a job and such... But we'll cross that bridge when we get there! Haha, I'm taking baby steps.

All I can say is that I really just want to get my bajillion dollars of debt paid off before die so I can go travel... All that debt is such a burden to carry everyday... Ugh. Sometimes I wish I would've gone to school part time or just paid out of pocket so I wouldn't have to deal with all this. Oh well. Live and learn, right? :/

I must keep remembering this! (source: Pinterest)