Emotions

This post will probably seem a bit...unorganized. And it is. My head is. My thoughts are. Everything is just a big pile of confusion sometimes.

I've just been pondering my emotions lately... Why I feel the way I do about certain things. Why do I let my emotions take over my life so much? Can I control them? What's the reasoning behind them? Should I ignore them? Should I embrace them? Am I overreacting about certain things, or is it okay for me to feel how I do? It's frustrating because I have such overwhelming emotions and feelings ALL THE TIME. The tiniest thing could happen, and BAM- I'm an emotional wreck. I have no control over it! I don't understand it. Like, I know we should embrace what we're feeling and maybe take a step back to figure out what's causing that feeling, etc... It's just so hard to do. Especially when it's a recurring feeling. Now I know I'm more emotional than the average person (at least I think I am, compared to what I hear everyone else is feeling)... Is there a way to fix it?

I have friends and family members who are carefree and don't worry about half the stuff I do, and I get so angry at them and myself for not being able to be like that! I wish I could just brush things off and not randomly have emotional breakdowns over the most stupid shit. But I cannot hide them. And I overanalyse every goddamn thing... A comment on Facebook, a comment about someone, a remark in response to something I've said, etc. Then I just replay it in my head OVER and OVER! What the heck?! Why do I do that?! Wahhh.

Sorry. This is just a rant of confusion. And maybe I'd like to know I'm not alone in this? Or maybe I am and I'm just crazy. :P

*sigh*.... Who knows. Emotions and feelings and thoughts... They just make me nutso. For real. But I guess I'm human. I'm not perfect. The first step is admitting I have a problem, right?

Rant? [About the future]

Why do we worry so much about what is gonna happen in the future?!

Maybe it's just me, but I really don't think it is... It's a comfort to have things planned out, to the T if possible, and organized and figured out. But WHY!!!! I used to think I had my future figured out.

Then I hit the real world.

I always dreamed I'd go to school for 4 years, graduate with a Special Education degree and a Spanish minor; get a job right away; get a house, find a partner, have kids... done. Well HELLO reality check! This did not happen at all... Ha.

Life got pretty complicated this semester and man, oh man, has it taken a toll on me. I am so stressed all the time. I have so much to figure out, and in such short notice too! I have to change my major now (due to financial issues), find a minor to go with it, figure out what grad programs I want to do [I've always wanted to be a counselor; found out special education made me upset/ I hate the American public education system. Must get my masters in counseling now]... Except that involves money, places to live, the GRE (I'm scared s***less to take it because I am basically stupid when it comes to doing math and that's a portion of the test. I mean, I'm really, REALLY bad at math... Probably at an elementary/ middle school level? Ughh), which program I want to do more/ if I can afford it/ if it's too far away from where I'll be living [potential plan is to move to KC, MO for grad school if I can get in], finding a car [anyone have one/ know someone that doesn't need theirs?!?!] to get around, find a job while I go to grad school....

I am so frustrated. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Basically just FREAKING OUT. I know, I know. I need to be positive, everything will work out... Blah, blah. I really understand this! I've tried staying calm and not worrying but it's just not happening. I wish I had someone to help me figure everything out because I'm really not sure I can handle this all ON TOP of my normal school work and projects for this semester!

I do appreciate my friends/ family supporting me and encouraging me, I really do.

Just at a low moment. Random crying spurts. I just want to sleep for a week and have everything work itself out on its own. That's totally possible right? ;)

Ok sorry. Thanks for listening to my rant, loves.

xoxo

Something to think about :)

DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to offend anyone or start any debates. This was just on my mind and I wanted to share my personal thoughts :)


[It's slightly a rant; not really any organization...Just needed to vent]


I was raised Catholic. After taking confirmation classes, or actually while I was taking the classes, I realized how much I disagreed with everything they were teaching me. I went through the confirmation to please my parents, and once I became old enough to make my own decisions, I went out in search of the meaning of religions-- in hopes to find one that I could maybe fit into. At first it was Lutheranism, then it was atheism, then agnosticism, then Unitarian Universalism, Buddhism, and Hinduism... I have done pretty in depth research on the "most common" religions, and more recently decided I just am not a fan of organized religions in general.


I fully believe everything happens for a reason; everyone has a certain path in life. I LOVE Mother Nature and Earth and deeply believe in respecting both of these things. I believe each of us should find our own personal spiritual beliefs and paths in life, we shouldn't have someone else tell us what it is or how we should live our lives. The thing that bothers me most about organized religion is the brainwashing aspect. Unfortunately, those who are actually brainwashed never really find out or realize what has happened, and they just grow to think that those thoughts are automatically right- despite never looking into anything else or whatever. 


I guess I consider myself "lucky enough" to have gotten out of the "brainwashing" aspect of it? I went out on my own to learn and explore other, new options. I could have very well returned to Catholicism, or Christianity in general, but I simply chose not to as I just do not agree with it. But I can't imagine what life would be like if I just stuck with it to stick with it. My belief is that you should only call yourself a part of a religion if you're going to follow through with the whole package, the whole she-bang! For example, people who go to church on Christmas and Easter only and then call themselves good Christians? Absolutely not... You're supposed to go to church EVERY week, not just holidays because everyone else does it. But in the same aspect, you shouldn't just go to church to go to church. If you're going and spouting off random verses and "prayers" without any feeling at all, why are you even at church? You're supposed to go to FEEL God; you're supposed to FEEL involved- emotionally, spiritually, and physically. So many people have fallen into the routine lifestyle that "Well we have to go to church EVERY Sunday." It shouldn't be a chore. You should go because you WANT to! So if you can't even handle that, why would you call yourself something you're not?


One thing I really like about the UU church is that their message (at least the one I've been to here in Winona) is that each person can find their own personal feelings and path with God or whomever they want, and everyone else should just support their choices and their paths, even if it's different than what they believe. Organized religion usually has so many rules, guidelines, consequences... so many restrictions! I, personally, don't understand how someone can live with so many of those. Life should be simple: treat others with love and respect, find your own path on your own without someone forcing to do it, and don't judge those other lifestyles. Obviously I am not perfect, and I've had my share of hating on other religions- I am human after all! But I'm just trying to say that we should all become more aware of these things and look at it from a different perspective... And try not to get brainwashed or brainwash your kids ;)


There are so many complicated topics and subjects, as religion is a very touchy topic, (actually I'm surprised I'm even posting this as I'm sure I'll receive the wrath of my religious loved ones :P), but I had to get it out there!


My favorite life quote is this: ☮ paz. ♥ amor. = igualdad.


This means peace, love, equality. I try to look at everyone equally (again, I am NOT perfect! nor am I saying I am!) and hope that everyone can try and do the same... Or at least take a step back and rethink what you've been taught. Who knows, maybe it's not what you actually agree with? If someone stops loving you because you're a different religion or belief than them, it's time for them to get a reality check.