Emotions

This post will probably seem a bit...unorganized. And it is. My head is. My thoughts are. Everything is just a big pile of confusion sometimes.

I've just been pondering my emotions lately... Why I feel the way I do about certain things. Why do I let my emotions take over my life so much? Can I control them? What's the reasoning behind them? Should I ignore them? Should I embrace them? Am I overreacting about certain things, or is it okay for me to feel how I do? It's frustrating because I have such overwhelming emotions and feelings ALL THE TIME. The tiniest thing could happen, and BAM- I'm an emotional wreck. I have no control over it! I don't understand it. Like, I know we should embrace what we're feeling and maybe take a step back to figure out what's causing that feeling, etc... It's just so hard to do. Especially when it's a recurring feeling. Now I know I'm more emotional than the average person (at least I think I am, compared to what I hear everyone else is feeling)... Is there a way to fix it?

I have friends and family members who are carefree and don't worry about half the stuff I do, and I get so angry at them and myself for not being able to be like that! I wish I could just brush things off and not randomly have emotional breakdowns over the most stupid shit. But I cannot hide them. And I overanalyse every goddamn thing... A comment on Facebook, a comment about someone, a remark in response to something I've said, etc. Then I just replay it in my head OVER and OVER! What the heck?! Why do I do that?! Wahhh.

Sorry. This is just a rant of confusion. And maybe I'd like to know I'm not alone in this? Or maybe I am and I'm just crazy. :P

*sigh*.... Who knows. Emotions and feelings and thoughts... They just make me nutso. For real. But I guess I'm human. I'm not perfect. The first step is admitting I have a problem, right?

Feeling Needed

I've always been one to reach out to those who need help, and have always been a shoulder for someone to cry on, and an ear to listen if someone wants to vent. It's always been a great feeling to know someone wanted or needed me, even if it was for the smallest thing. It makes me feel appreciated and like I have purpose.

After spending every day with my little cousins, I've grown to like this feeling more and more. Since both girls have become accustomed to me being around, they reach out to me when they're in need or when someone new, or just someone they're not used to, is around. It makes me so happy! Little kids have always hated me, and I've never really been fond of them... I don't know why, but that's just how it had always been. But now that I've been with the girls so much, they actually really love me and want to be with me. They get a huge smile on their faces when they see me or if they're crying, they become comforted being in my arms or even just my presence. It feels so nice to feel that, and know I'm needed. I'm sure this is how many mothers and fathers feel as well because their children couldn't survive without the parents'/ guardians love, tenderness, and care for them.

Not only with little kids, but with adults (especially friends, family, loved ones, etc.) as well: it's great to be recognized or receive appreciation for something I've done. I'm sure everyone feels this way in some way or another. A simple smile, hug, or a big "Thank you!" from someone can really go a long way. I feel like we don't express our gratitude towards others enough. Lately I've been wanting to improve on this; letting those who help me in any way know how much I appreciate them and what they do. It really makes a big difference. Or just SHOW someone you care and love them by doing simple things. I'm a firm believer in karma, in that if you do good towards others, it'll come back to you. :)

Tell your girlfriend/ wife they're beautiful. Hold the door for someone, or say thank you if someone does it for you. Help your parents around the house. Share a dessert with someone. Give someone a hug if they're having a bad day. Spread the love, kindness, and thankfulness. Little things go a long way! <3

Make a life, not a living

My sister got me a picture frame the other day that says "Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life". She got it on clearance, just liking it, and I didn't really think more into it until today.

We're all about hustle and bustle in this world and society, but for what? Are we all really happy? Are we fulfilling our passions and living life to its fullest? Working non-stop gets us money...But what does money get us? Food, a place to live, and basic things like that are good, but once we have enough for that- the extra money shouldn't matter. Material goods can only bring a temporary happiness. A temporary nostalgic state of mind. But memories, friends, family, loved ones...that's where the real happiness comes from.

I'm lucky enough to be pursuing my passions in life. I'm glad I have been given these opportunities to explore and be involved in what really makes me happy and brings joy to my spirit. And I still get to come home to my loving family, our new house, my (finally) decorated room, and the thought of knowing that I've helped someone personally each and every day.

Are you following your passions? Are you doing what makes you happy? It's never too late to find whatever that passion may be. :)

All photos' source: Pinterest

It's Been a While

It's been a long, long time since I've shared my updates on life with you folks. Sorry about that! It's hard enough to keep up with life lately, let alone writing about it.

We moved back to Inver Grove Heights. It's been a bittersweet feeling, to say the least. My parents love it. My sisters and I... well we're still adjusting. The house is... it has a nice deck. And an outdoor clothesline. So that's nice. We're still in the process of unpacking all of our stuff (way too much stuff!). And just trying to feel at home here. I love my room. It's simple, with my posters all up and everything in its place- just how I like it. But everything else is completely chaotic.

I started my new job at Luce. It has great days or horrible days, not much in between. It's really all about who you work with. No matter what the job I'm doing is (hostess, busser, food runner, or cashier), whoever I'm with is what makes or breaks that day. I've met some great people so far though, and always hope they work the same shifts as me! Business has been great though for only being open two weeks. And it's nice to be able to get GF food I can actually eat when I get off my shifts.

I've also begun working with my little cousin that I will be a PCA for starting this fall. I am in love with this little girl, seriously. She's two and has Cri Du Chat Syndrome, and is the most remarkable, intelligent girl ever! I love signing with her and watching her grow and progress in simple things such as playing, eating, and interaction. I'm ecstatic to be able to be with her everyday starting August 27th while my aunt is  away teaching half days at their local school.

I own a car now for the first time. It's been terrible thus far, in that everything that can go wrong- has. But my aunt and uncle gave me a great deal on it, so I'm extremely thankful for that. And it gets me to and from work, and wherever else I'm supposed to be. It's a cute little Honda Civic. My friend Schaubs and I deemed it a boy (little boy) and his name is Fridrich. :)

I haven't been eating healthy lately. And I'm feeling the effects of it, trust me. I'm just too busy at work or wanting to sleep to want to cook at all when I get home. And it doesn't help that our kitchen is like, half the size as our old one. :/ I've been looking at some recipes online that I'd like to try though, so now I just need to get up the motivation to actually DO it. (Which is the hardest part, right?) I've been living off of food from work, water, cereal, and coffee. Blech. Not okay.

Due to Luce, moving, PCA-ing, and just trying to function fully- I've kind of fallen off the map of socializing with people. Yesterday, I read texts and didn't respond, I got missed calls and didn't call them back, I got facebook messages and didn't reply... What the heck? I NEVER do that... I think I just needed a break from people or something. There a select few people who I can tolerate all day everyday (and they know who they are :) !!), but other than them I've just wanted to do my own thing. Which is good to an extent, but I'm sure most people think I hate them or something since I am almost always glued to my phone and social networking. Meh, we'll see how it progresses.

Now that I've written my recent life novel, I am going to the grocery store to pick up some things for a hopefully tasty recipe I found on one of my favorite vegan blogs. :)

Hope all is well with everyone else, and sorry for kind of/ sort of disappearing off the planet for a bit.

Luce happiness... Just the beginning!

I love my job. I already love it. We haven't even opened the store yet, but I LOVE it. I am so, so thrilled to be working for such a great company. Seriously. We're local, fresh, welcoming, accepting, fun, and just awesome! I don't want to sound like a walking advertisement (but I'm sure I do sound like one :P), but I'm so excited!!!

(source: Google images)

I have had two days of training so far. In these two days we've greatly gone over the importance of food allergens and respecting people who have them and fulfilling their every dietary need; played with our POS systems/ computers and practiced ringing things up; tried all the appetizers, salads, and some gluten free and vegan foods (!!); learned about the general guidelines to being a server/ host/ and cashier; and most importantly: learned where all our goodies come from and how we prepare them! We get local ingredients as much as possible; all our veggies are freshly cut each day; our breads/ crusts (besides the GF ones) are homemade (focaccia bread will be made every day IN store! How awesome is that?!) as well as our sauces and such... When you look at the menu at first, you think it's pretty expensive for a pizza place. But you can tell why- it's because of all those things I just listed! When you get a $5 pizza, it's gonna taste and look like a $5 pizza. If you get a $20 pizza, it's gonna taste like one! It's worth it if you wand good quality! ;)

(Heh, this is all the garlic we threw our at the Richfield 4th of July parade! source)

So not only is this just a job, it will/ can totally be a career as well! I want to work here foreverrr. Haha, but really. It's great. I can move up in the chain, move up on the ladder- whatever you want to say. I could be a waitress, supervisor, anything! I'm gonna work so hard at it. I'll be starting off as a cashier and a host(ess) and the two most important things to do those jobs are to be friendly and patient. HA, I am great at both those things! And I can be myself while doing it, I don't need any of that fake BS. My customers at Chartwells loved me; I remembered people's orders even after knowing them for 3+ years! I could see them in a non-food service setting and be like, "Hey! You get the cheddar burger combo with no pickle!" and I could tell I totally just made their day because I made them feel special! That's why I love this industry: because you can make people FEEL GOOD. Who doesn't like knowing they could make someone's day with a simple gesture or greeting?

I know a lot of people hate food service and could never work in it. Which is fine; it's not for everyone. I'm just lucky I love it and am pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. ;) I'm just so happy and excited to have a job I know I'm going to love. Not many people can say that about their current jobs! It's my passion though... so I'm lucky to have gotten where I am!

(source: Google image)

Our store's grand opening is July 31st... So if you're in the Minnesota/ Twin Cities area- come on out and support this awesome business and my new job! You won't regret it. :)

source

Judge Me

Hi all, this is Jessica. She's my amazing, beautiful, hilarious, smart, crazy cousin. 

She has a talent: writing. Her words are so lyrical, it's ridiculous! 

I'm jealous of her talent, and I want you all to give her blog some love and views! 

She's blogging over at The Music of My Soul Reveals Itself in Words. :)

"Sometimes I just have this feeling etched onto my heart that I want to share with the world. So I write. I LOVE to write. Whether or not it has ANYTHING to do with what's happening in my life, I love the feeling of the words falling on to the page. Such a peace envelops me when I know that another work is completed. So, here I am. These are my works. These are my words. Experience what you can, feel the words roll off your tongue, and never live to regret the things you've done. Enjoy!"

She kindly offered to guest post for me, and so I can give her some more followers/ viewers! This is a poem she wrote while away on a vacation when anger struck her. Enjoy. :)

Judge Me

Tryn’ tell me who you think I should be
Tryn’ make me the girl you dreamed you’d see.
Push me away if you’d like, you wouldn’t even know
You’re blind in your judgment and you put on a great show
Let me be me or I’m sure this won’t go through
You’re gonna lose me completely cause you hate all that I do.
Oh, but you don’t “hate”—you’re only tryn’ to “love”
But every time you judge me, you push me away with a shove.
I HATE being judged for being myself
I HATE to put the things I love up on the hidden shelf.
I’m so sick of all the righteous ones, the high and mighty kings
The ones who feel they’re perfect and look down on everyone and everything. 
I’m sick of all you people who think that you are better 
Who make us sinners walk around with the brightly stitched scarlet letter. 
You don’t know me, so who are you to judge?
You don’t know my past, present, or future—
so don’t you sit there hatin’ like that cause I ain’t gonna budge!
So don’t look at my piercings like it’s too much for you
You didn’t make the decision—I did—and I’m proud of it too.
Don’t question my sexuality, I’m born to be this way
And there is only ONE to judge me on the very last of my days
Don’t persecute me for my body art I put on in the form of tattoos,
I chose each of them carefully, each has a meaning ,a purpose that only I could choose
Who are you to look at me cause I got a little bit of fat on me,
Who are you to stare cause bones are all ya see?
We are all shapes and sizes, each has a different body, direction, and morals
But shove down what YOU think’s right or wrong and you’re not solvin’ all these quarrels.
You’re tryin to “Love” but you’re doin just the opposite
You’re tryin’ to make “peace” but all you’re doin is makin us sick.
You can close the curtains, no one’s buyin your act
You can cut the shit cause we all think you’re a little whacked.
Let me be me and you can be you
Stay outta my business and get yourself a clue.
So don’t judge the things that you really don’t know, 
And don’t judge the things that you do,
Just let us run our own lives in this already crazy world and you can just run you.

Reflecting and thinking lately...

I've been thinking lately.
A lot.

I've been reflecting on my life thus far, the events that have taken place, the events that will eventually be taking place, reevaluating certain situations. I'm going to be 23 Monday, July 2nd. I'm not really sure when that happened. Time has been flying by me so quickly.

I've been reading this book lately: Quarterlife Crisis.

It's great. I'm only on page 30 something and I love it. I've been marking pages up and bookmarking things I like and enjoy. It's basically about how twentysomething year olds feel pressure of needing to know what they're going to do in life; pressure of needing to have everything figured and planned out. When in reality, none of us have that. Yea, everyone knows about the midlife crisis. But what about the quarterlife crisis? We're all going through it in some way or another. My sister Emilie actually bought this book for herself and then figured I'd like it. Man, was she right. I couldn't have started reading this at a better time! Seriously, everyone my age should read this. It will make you feel a lot better about feeling lost and confused about your life. Well, it made me feel better at least. :)

We all just need to remember that it's OKAY to not have your life completely planned and figured out! It's okay to be confused and lost once in a while. Nothing is set in stone besides the fact we will all eventually die. Other than that, nothing is certain. So take some risks and leaps. Explore your likes and dislikes. Leave your comfort zone. Try new things. Meet new people. Stay true to yourself and make sure you're happy. (Obviously these things are a lot easier said than done, but hey- it's a good inspiration to at least remember and think about these things!) 

Anyway... Yea. I'm trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, who belongs in my life, who shouldn't, etc. It's quite the clusterf*ck of thoughts and wonders. I had my orientation for Pizza Luce the other day: I am SO excited to start working there!!! Seriously. Pumped. Ecstatic. I already feel so at home and comfortable with it. It's chill, welcoming, fun, and I'm sure the people I'll be working with are gonna be just as awesome. They're gluten free, vegan friendly. Oh, and we're going to be in the 4th of July parade in Richfield (which is where our location will be opening). Guess what we're throwing out in it? GARLIC. Yep. Garlic and artichokes are our signature items of the restaurant, so it's a fun way for us to get our names out and be different! I'm so excited.

I'll also be a PCA and a nanny for my two little cousins starting in fall, so I got to hang out with them and my aunt today to kinda get to know the ropes of the house and such. That'll be great. Until then, I'm working at the concessions stands in the SSP pools. It sucks, but it's money.

And I just... Yea. Keep thinking. Pondering. A lot. It's been a very contemplative time in my heart and my mind lately. I apologize for my lack of posts. 

Stay tuned for a guest post from my fantastically talented cousin soon! :)

xoxo

"The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected." - Fortune cookie truth